This is the last and most first Holder: The Holder Legion was going to write about, but it was written on the back of his hand and it was rainy that day so... well, you get it.
Anyway, I am the only person who knows about the secret Holder and I swear to god; if you tell ANYONE about this, I will fucking murder you. You will be so dead you won't even fucking believe it. I will gut you like a fish and shit in your stomach.
Anyway, you have to be playing one of the old arcade games, like Super Mario or some shit. Don't ask me how Legion got his hands on one, he's fucking Legion, he probably... magic'd it up. Or something. Anyway, once you get the game, start playing HARDER THAN YOU EVER HAVE BEFORE. FUCKING DESTROY THAT SCORE COUNTER. Once you get to the bonus round, JUST KEEP GOING. DON'T STOP. You have to be like WOW guys who will keep playing and not look away for anything, not for food, or sleep, or naked boobs. Not that you'd want to see boobs, fag. That's right, I called you a fag. What you gonna do? It's not like you found THE MEGA-UBER ZEROITH HOLDER, BIIIITCH!
Anyway, if you don't suck, you'll eventually unlock TWO BONUS ROUNDS IN A ROW! YEAH! Awesome.
Somewhere on the screen of your second round, you'll see some form of glitch. Like, a REALLY glitchy glitch. Signifying the depths of... incomprehensible... crap. It'll be awesome, trust me.
Anyway, that's a weird coincidence, huh? You're probably all, "Oh, yeah, like THAT matters." But it does, right? You just gotta stare at it and it'll be all "VOIP!" and suck you in. It'll be awesome.
You'll be surrounded by, like, Eldrich Ruins and stuff. Cyclopian monstrosities. Things that would be totally awesome band names.
At this point, just start BEING EPIC! Just the most epic possible. Like, ride around on a velociraptor, or murder Satan. Crap like that. Then this indescribable horror will arrive and she'll have a fucking great rack. Like HUGE. I don't know how Legion would forget about a rack that spectacular, but he did. He's probably a fag, too.
She'll be all like, "This place, this Object and I were not meant to be. Cast aside into the obsidian depths of non-being, we -" Then you gotta just punch her right in the face. Like, "BANG! Your FACE!"
Then stick your hand down her cleavage and there will totally be this awesome, thing. Like, the essence of impossibility or something. Just go with it.
The crazy shit you pulled out of her cleavage is either Object 0 or 2539 of 538. I'm still trying to determine which is more awesome.